My granddaughter recently remarked that she thought my voice had changed over the 14 years of her lifetime, that I now sounded “elderly.” I reacted with offense. Elderly? Why, my voice hasn’t changed at all, I protested. Yes, my voice is throaty and froggy, and leans to squeaky, like it’s always been, quite adolescent-like, the opposite of elderly. Then my precious teen went on to say, “I don’t know why old people get offended when you call them old.” Which of course exacerbated the offensiveness.
But that got me thinking. Why ARE old people offended when referred to as “old?” Compared to folks not in their 80s and 90s, I do fit the age bracket of “old.” It’s just a category, right? Except it’s not. “Old” is a loaded word because it is rarely used in a complimentary way, but rather, almost always in a derogatory way.
For example: “That outfit makes you look so old.” “He doesn’t look bad for an old guy.” “My car is old, but it still runs.” “I’m taking these old clothes to The Salvation Army.”
Sure, there are old classic movies, the good old times, old-school style, golden oldies, and old-time religion, all terms that give off a nostalgic shimmer, and ancestors may be revered in traditional Native American, African, and Asian cultures. But, “old” is not a nice word in western culture.
When I looked up a list of synonyms for “old,” one word listed was the lovely and respectful “venerable.” It was 20th in the list in a range of neutral to disparaging descriptors, preceded by: elderly, mature, aged, senior, up in years, getting on, in one’s dotage, long in the tooth, gray, grizzled, hoary, past one’s prime, ancient, decrepit, doddering, not long for this world, senescent, superannuated, senile.
I’ve heard the saying, “Getting old beats the alternative,” because of course the alternative is death. You would think that a time of life that is inevitable and universal to all humans would be viewed through a kinder prism and spoken about in a more reverent way, with praise for the wizened and appreciation of the vintage. Unfortunately, two human pitfalls, fear of death and thus denial of aging, cloud the mirror.
Author and Buddhist teacher Susan Moon holds up a different looking glass. She says:
“It annoys me when people say, ‘Even if you’re old, you can be young at heart.’ Hiding inside this well-meaning phrase is a deep cultural assumption that old is bad and young is good. What’s wrong with being old at heart, I’d like to know? Wouldn’t you like to be loved by people whose hearts have practiced loving for a long time?”
Yes, I would. And, thanks for the compliment.
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